Don't Wait

The new year isn't very far away. People will be making New Year's resolutions before you know it. But why wait for January 1st? You know it takes 21 days to make a new habit into routine, so if you start now you'll have a month to try a few times to make a new routine and you'll be that much further ahead than the people who wait.

I never liked making resolutions, I've said it before, but I don't keep them. I have to start when I think about it and then keep reminding myself. I'm actually in the middle of making new routine for myself right now. I didn't wait this time and I don't think you should either.

I'm not going to share what it is I am doing. I've found when I share, I stop doing it. I don't like people always bringing up my goals, I don't like talking about them unless I bring it up, but even when I'm the one to bring it up I have to share with the least number of people as possible and then only the ones who I feel a particular connection to.

So make a plan, start changing your routine now. Don't wait. Don't tell anyone, at first. Maybe once it has become such a part of you that no matter what anyone says or does you will keep doing it, maybe then you can tell one special person, someone who you know will support you and not question why you feel the need to change that thing.

Stuck, stuck, stuck

This time it's been over a month since I posted. I still don't feel like writing today even. I'm stuck. I feel I've been stuck for a very long time. I try new artistic avenues just to feel like I am moving forward or moving on. I'm not capable of getting unstuck. People will disagree with that, they will try to cheer me up. Don't. Being stuck for me is a state of mind brought on by circumstances that I have unfortunately been unable to remedy because I don't know what I want or where to go from here.

I haven't felt truly successful for at the very least this year, and quite possibly longer. I used to know what I wanted, and I had the belief that I would be able to accomplish my dreams and goals. I used to be able to brush off moods or force the situation away for longer stretches of time. Now I lash out, I get angry, stressed, frustrated. I wish my life were going the way I had planned back in college. Back in my freshman year of college, close to 11 years ago now, I had an idea of how my life would go. Now my life is going nowhere.

I saw a post the other day for milestones in the single person's life. The milestones of a single person included graduating from high school, graduating from college, getting your first adult job, getting your first pet away from home, moving out of your parents house, traveling to a place you always wanted to go, first big promotion, buying a house. Since I don't want to get married or have kids, I will never have the milestones of getting engaged, having a bridal shower, finding the perfect dress, getting married, finding out I'm pregnant, having a baby shower, giving birth. And since I am self-employed I will never get a promotion, a raise or really anything job related. Now I have graduated both from high school and from college, but that's almost where it stops. I will soon be getting some kittens, but even though I will be financially responsible for them, I do still live with my parents, so they will be "our" cats. And in order to move out of my parents house or buy a place of my own I'd need far more income than a single artist makes. I would love to travel, but again money comes to mind. I tried the backpacking thing, took a trip to Colorado last year, I took the broom making class in Grand Marais, so I haven't been completely stuck with no travel.

You might ask, "if your big goal is to own a place of your own, why get a cat, or travel at all? Why not save your money to buy a place?" And my answer is because I'm tired of waiting. I'm tired of always trying to save money and not doing the things, big or small, that I want to do. I need some small pleasures and adventures in my life in order to find any joy. But now I worry that isn't going to be enough for me either.

I'm grateful for my parents, I've probably said it before, but it needs repeating. I'm grateful that they continue to let me live with them, I know it isn't required and for some people when they turn 18 or finish school, that's the end of being allowed to live in their parents house. I'm grateful for the rest of the financial support beyond living at home, I have very few bills thanks to them, I can eat because of them. I'm grateful for it, but I've begun to resent it. I shouldn't, I should be grateful and that should be the end of it, but I am incapable of being a self supporting adult and that is a very big thorn in my side. I require their help. I'll always need them emotionally, mentally, as family and as friends, but I've come to the realization that I may always need them for all the financial stuff as well. And that makes me angry and sad, and the more angry and sad I get, the more difficult I become to live with.

I'm a selfish person, don't try to tell me otherwise on that statement either, I know I can be helpful and supportive and whatever else someone might try to use to persuade me otherwise, but I've come to realize that I am a selfish person. I don't want to get married or have kids because I don't want someone relying on me all the time. I don't want to be available for them all the time, I don't want to have someone in my space all the time demanding my attention, using or touching or moving my things. I also don't like wondering if someone came into my space while I was out or away. I don't want to have to come home and wonder who broke this or used up that. I'm also not good with forgiveness. Giving or asking for. I'm inflexible, stuck in my ways as much as I feel stuck in life. I know I am not a good match for anyone, I also know I would not be a good parent. I don't know if I have made myself this way on purpose or subconsciously, or if it has just become my nature through experiences. I have tried to change some things I find unpleasant about myself, or downright rude, but I also am not good with change and it is a struggle for me to change one thing when so much else in my life seems like a bigger deal.

For a while I felt better about things, I felt like something positive was happening. But for me, things either get better too slowly and I start to feel stuck again, or something goes wrong. Like I said though, I don't know what the fuck I want anymore.

Kiln Tetris

All potters will understand the need to get "just one more piece" in the kiln. You have a deadline: a show, someone's birthday or Christmas presents that have been ordered. The problem? You have a small kiln, or a full kiln, or too many things you are trying to get done. I played this game with my last bisque firing and that makes a difference too. If it is a bisque kiln you can stack and lean and invade the personal space of every piece in there. If it is a glaze fire, you need to have gaps between every piece, nothing is allowed to touch and definitely NO STACKING!

My deadline is a show and I had a new product I wanted to add in at the last minute to my already full kiln. I unloaded everything I had loaded and stacked more pieces in wherever I could. Here are the pictures of each shelf. (Minus one, I realized I forgot to take a picture as I took out the last piece. I got too excited to unload!)

Top shelves pre-fire.

Top shelves post fire.

I had an extra half shelf with short items on the top.

 Here is where I missed taking a picture. This shelf included all the new items plus some small things stacked and piled in.

Bottom shelf, I added items inside each mug. Minis and baby bowls got stacked
and leaf ornaments and pendants added wherever they fit.

Leaf ornaments and pendants. There were a couple casualties here that
could have happened anytime from making to loading or even in the firing.

Bud vases (new item), dishes, mugs, minis, and baby bowls.

Beads, pendants, kids' items, whistle, soup mug, wine trivet/plates
and a spoon rest, and some stemless wine glasses.

Here is the tally of what I got in this kiln:

• 17 mugs
• 42 baby bowls
• 9 minis
• 12 dishes
• 13 bud vases
• 5 cups
• 1 whistle
• 1 soup mug
• 2 wine trivets/plates
• 1 spoon rest
• 13 pendants
• 98 kids' items
• 17 beads
• 149 leaf ornaments
• 85 leaf pendants

Making the total of pieces fired: 465! This is my new record. I've done just over 200 in this little kiln before, and it does make a big difference when you add in all the little items and do pretty much all small pieces as opposed to having one shelf dominated by a serving bowl or some taller pieces. Now to glaze it all...

Changing with the Seasons

I realized I'm having a hard time writing in a timely manner. It's already been 8 days since my last post. I'm feeling more of the fall briskness, a couple times the hint of winter has peeked through as well. We still haven't had our first frost and so are continuing to get some veggies out of the garden.

I love fall. I think I am more happy in the fall and in the spring. Those in between times when you can have warm or cool; sun, rain or possibly snow; and things are changing. In the summer it is all green and tends to be hot and humid. Here at least. And in the winter it is all snow. I think winter is the least changing and that makes sense since it is when everything is sleeping. I have no particular qualms with any one season, there are things I like about each, but I am a cool weather person. I like wearing jeans and sweatpants and curling up with a book, blanket and mug of hot chocolate. But I also want to be able to go stand in the sun and just absorb the warmth.

I'm changing with the seasons, too. I'm trying to let go of things that clearly make me unhappy or anxious. And when I finally make the choice and I feel that weight go, then I know it was the right decision, at least for the time being. I'm looking forward to finding more of myself, more confidence, more decision making ability, and I hope I can let go of a few more things in time.

But in the meantime, I have more pottery to be made, Kritters to crochet, business ventures to explore, and fall colors to enjoy! You all be sure to get out there and enjoy the last bits of summer and to be thankful for what you have, in whatever way is best for you.

Happy Fall Everyone!

With fall in the air I return to the studio. The end of my summer shows means I have a little break to make a few things in anticipation of my fall season and open studio time for the year. I'm refilling small items, playing with ideas that I might want to work on this winter when production demands drop off, and getting those last few items together for my renaissance faire.

Fall colors came early this year!

I did work on some Kritters to take up for restocking at Artistree. I may try to get a couple more done before I go up on Sunday, but since I have returned to the clay studio, that is where my creative energy is going at the moment.

Making leaf ornaments.

In my last post I told you about Stamp, Paper, Scissors where I now have work and of course the other shops around the area where you can purchase my work. The next three weeks or so I am once again having my open studios at home. So if you want to see all that I have, stop on by when my signs are out, or contact me through my Facebook page to make sure I am going to be around since I will be starting my hours at Artistree again now that my shows have come to completion.

More kids sale items.

I had fun this summer. I don't remember a lot of it, it becomes a blur when each week consists of making work, packing, shows, and unpacking, but I do remember meeting some great new people, seeing friends and acquaintances from previous years, seeing family and going on some small trips. I also know I have been trying to be more positive. Trying to figure out just what it is that I want for myself and who I am. It's more than being successful, more than knowing I am an artist with a soft spot for animals. It's finding contentment even in the painfully slow times, being at peace and problem solving when things get a little tight and being ok with it. Because as long as I can keep doing the things I love, and as long as I have family, friends, fans and customers who cheer me on, I really have no reason to be disappointed in this life I've chosen. I just have to keep reminding myself of that!

I love zinnias! And lucky for me they keep blooming into the fall.

And in the vein of family, friends, fans, and customers who cheer me on, if you've ever wondered about or wanted to be a patron of the arts now is your chance! I have started work on a Patreon page. It is a place where you make a monthly pledge and get exclusive access to patron-only videos, photos, and posts, and possibly receive some cool stuff that I'm making. You can view my preview page here and offer any suggestions for improvement of it before I launch. It is still a work in progress so you can't become my patron just yet, but thank you for looking, considering and if you feel moved to do so, thank you for sharing this far and wide!

A Month of Catching Up

It's coming up on a month since I last wrote anything. That's not completely accurate since I did write an entire post but I deleted it instead of posting it. I decided I didn't want that post on here.

So here's what's been happening. I've had several art shows and all that that entails. The making of work, taking photos of work, pricing my work, packing and then loading it into my car, then unloading and setting up my booth, taking down and repacking my work, then unloading the car once I get home. I've done that seven weeks in a row now and I have one more show this summer on Saturday. After that I have my three day Renaissance faire in September and at least one Christmas show in November, plus any open studios I do. I have won two ribbons this summer so far and I'm very excited about that!

Minocqua Island Art Walk

Three Lakes Art on Main

I haven't needed to make any pottery the last couple of weeks, I will be making some after the show this week, but instead I have been crocheting. I need to get some Kritters made, they seem to be pretty popular and I finally picked up the yarn to work on my temperature afghan again. I made it to July 28th before I ran out of another color and now have to take another trip to buy yarn. Considering I was stuck somewhere back in May, July 28th is pretty caught up, at least for now.

I ran out of orange about 10 inches from the end of the row.

I also took some work to a friend's store, Stamp, Paper, Scissors in Minocqua by WalMart/Trig's. She has a little of my pottery, scarves, Kritters, paintings and cards. So a little of Katlyn Koester Designs and a little of Katlyn's Bohemian Designs. If you need some of my work you can check it out there. (I also have some of my old style pottery at Chocolates and More in the boardwalk shops by Save More, Kritters and sweater monsters in the Three Lakes Center for the Arts, and as always a selection of old and new style pottery and Kritters at Artistree Gallery in Land O' Lakes.)

My display at Stamp, Paper, Scissors

Along with all the shows and art I actually had a little time to be social this month. I spent a couple days hanging out with some family that came to visit, went to a friend's birthday party and made new friends, went blueberry picking with my family and went for a hike with a friend. In essence that amount of socializing is what I usually do in a couple months and I had all of that in about 10 days.

Now the end of summer is near and isn't that odd? Where did it go this year? I feel like just a couple weeks ago I was hiking the Ice Age Trail. You can read about that adventure here: Day 1-2, Day 3-4, Day 5-6. Of course a lot has happened this summer, some good, some not so good. But you can't stop time no matter how much you want to, just have to take notes, pictures, and enjoy it while it happens. And the more you enjoy it, the more it stays with you.

Where in the World is Katlyn Koester's Work?

I am not a world traveler, but my pottery is becoming so! Just this week a friend told me my one of my pieces will be going to Norway and last year I sold some work to a woman who lives in Afghanistan. I believe there was one other piece I know that went overseas and hopefully others that I don't know about.

This is of course in addition to all the places I know my work has gone in the United States. All over Wisconsin, also to Massachusetts, Colorado, Louisiana, Washington, California, Michigan, Ohio, Minnesota and possibly and quite probably other states. Some people tell me where my work is going, some I know because of mailing addresses when I send something out, but it is always fun learning where my work is going or has gone. I just wish now that I had kept a list or a map.

Do you have some of my work? Or have you sent my work somewhere? Please share! Maybe I'll finally get a map made of "Where in the world is Katlyn Koester's work?"

Dear Customers, Art Shoppers, and Patrons

When you purchase a piece of my pottery you are not buying clay and glaze.

No.

When you buy a piece of my work, or work from any artist or crafts person, you are buying years of experience and learning. You are buying time and effort; passions, creativity, ideas and inspiration. You are buying trials, mistakes, failures, successes and surprises; tears, sweat and sometimes blood. You are buying late nights, early mornings; fatigue, frustrations and stress. When you buy a piece from me, you are buying a piece OF me; a bit of my mind, heart and soul.

So when you put a piece of my pottery back because it is too expensive, or ask me for a deal or discount, or tell your child (grandchild, sister, brother, friend, etc.) to make one for you, please remember EXACTLY what I have put into that piece. And it isn't just clay and glaze.

What am I thinking?

I've been thinking about this for a while now. I must be crazy, it was the first thing I told my friend when I was forming plans. I must be crazy. I want to try hiking some more of the Ice Age Trail. True my first week sucked, horribly, but I want to finish the trail. Even if it takes me years.

I never did share more than a third of the pictures I took because in most of the ones of me I look so miserable. I think now though, I feel comfortable enough with the experience that I would like to share some of those pictures. Including the ones of me crying, or just before I cried, or just after I cried. I cried a lot. And that is why I figure I must be insane. Why would anyone choose to go back out to a task that they know they hated the first time?

I certainly don't know, but here are some more memories of my first week on the Ice Age Trail.

Read more about Days 1-2 here.

Day 1: At the top of the first "pointless" hill. I came down off of it on the same street I went up it.

My first campsite, before it started to storm, you can see my dinner cooking in the table.

Shreds keeping me company during the first wave of storms I survived the first night.

Tired, probably just after I cried my way through the first storm.

Day 2: I woke up relatively happy the next morning.

My "nest" at the rest area on the Gandy Dancer segment. I hung out here for lunch and phone charging.

Hiking 26 miles to the Cafe Wren where I would be sleeping, I was very wet and cold and crying. 

Read more about Days 3-4 here.

Day 3: Hiking through the snow in the pine plantations.

Snow allows you to see who else is using the trail...

At this point I was pretty much hoping I was almost to my campsite. I wasn't.

Day 4: I was limping this day, and I almost went over backwards trying to get over this thing.

One of the many feathers I saw. I think this one is from a Yellow Warbler.

I was in good spirits as I knew I was going to have a bed that night and it didn't matter where I stopped.
The chapter coordinator was going to come get me with his car wherever I was.

Some awesome big white pines in this segment.

These three were the inspiration for my one painting.

 Read more about Days 5-6 here.

Day 5: I was still in good spirits shortly after being dropped off.

Hiking through a swamp quickly put me in a poor state of mind.

This was the last segment I finished. It was here, at this sign I realized I wasn't going to keep going.

The last picture I took of my hike. I was hot, tired, and yes, crying again.

I made it to the end of the Sand Creek Segment and waited for someone to come pick me up. I was disappointed. In myself, the experience, my choices and how I handled the whole thing. SO, do I want to go back to prove to myself that I can do it? Or because I want to make sure I really do dislike this kind of hiking? Or I'm hoping I have a better experience? Read about my initial post hike thoughts here.

Whatever it is, I'm hoping to go sometime in October, (I'm likely to have bad weather again, but it is the only time I have to go), to do another 80 miles in one week, which would be the next two chapters. I also hope to have some company at least for a little bit of my second attempt which will make the miles seem easier. Maybe I'll look into hammock camping, get rid of my tent weight. And I'm only taking peanut butter and jelly, raisins, breakfast bars, some trail mix and hot chocolate. I realize the hot chocolate means I will have to take my stove, but that way if the weather is bad I can have a hot beverage, but not have to think about cooking every night.

A Fresh Perspective

I want to see my work the way others see my work. If I could forget for a day that I make pottery, or have knowledge of making pottery, and what my work looks like, then go to an art show or gallery where my work is on display, how would I react to my work when I don't know it is my work? That's the knowledge I want.

I want to know how customers see my work. I want to know what that is like. I'd also like to be inside their heads. Why does this customer love this piece? What goes through their heads when they walk by my booth at a fair? Is my display pleasing? Does something about me, my work, or my display turn them off from buying? Or make them buy? What is going on in their lives that makes my work not what they need or want right now?

I'd have to lose my memory of everything to see my work with fresh eyes and a new perspective. And I know it could and would be very uncomfortable to be in someone's head when they appraise my work. There is plenty I probably don't want to hear, but maybe I need to know.

And then I'd like to be able to get inside the judges heads. Both the jury to get into a show and the judges who decide which artists get ribbons and awards at the show. Unless you ask them for their notes on your work, you never find out what exactly they think of your work and why they decided the way they did. Of course this becomes very difficult if the judge never actually comes into your booth at a fair so you have no idea the judging has taken place until you walk around and see that awards are hanging in some of the booths. How are you supposed to ask for their notes or suggestions for improvement if you have no idea who to ask? It'd be nice to get something, even just a scrap of paper with a couple sentences as to what they thought and a tip for improvement. A little more work for the judge or the organizers, but if they are already walking around trying to decide who is the best at that show, they should be making notes anyway, right? Only when you win a ribbon do you hear what they like and why you won, and once you've won it is very nice to hear, but it would help more when you didn't win.

You only ever really see two reactions at shows, varying degrees of those two, but I think two is pretty accurate. You see the dismissal or the acceptance. Being dismissed can be simply someone walking by without coming into your booth all the way up to picking up a piece and exclaiming at the price and walking away. Acceptance comes as someone coming in and possibly making positive comments about the work up to a purchase. But you never know the reasoning behind the dismissal, most people don't come right out and tell you what is wrong with your work, and that's probably a good thing for me as I would most likely react poorly. But the positive comments without a purchase are just as hard to accept. I appreciate the comments, I enjoy the conversations, but I don't make a living off those things. So I still don't know why I'm not selling to the customers who love my work.

Maybe some will think I want to be coddled, to have my head patted and told my work is wonderful even though I didn't win. That's not it, that won't help me grow as a person, artist or vendor. I really do wish I could have a view into the thoughts of people at art shows not just the comments they make out loud. I think it would give me a better view of myself and my work.

Baking Bread with Fire

There's something about wood fired ovens that I just love. Maybe it's that bread and pizza taste so much better with that hint of smoke. Or maybe it's just that I like playing with fire.

Whatever it is I woke up this morning and had the urge to bake some bread. In the winter that wouldn't be a problem, fire up the oven and add some heat to the house in the process. But in the summer to have oven braked bread, you either need some really awesome air conditioning, not care about the heat, or have some type of outdoor oven. This could be a solar oven, I've tried cookies and brownies from solar ovens and they are delicious, or a wood fired cob or earth oven.

Clean oven!

My dad and I built our earth oven when I was in grade school and we made bread, pizzas, cookies and bread sticks over the years. We took a while to figure out how to make something and have it come out just right instead of beautiful on the outside and raw on the inside or charcoal on the outside and wonderful on the inside. But we didn't use the oven last year. Or the year before even though we kept saying we need to bake some bread. So it just sat there for a couple years and besides being a great conversation piece, it didn't get used.

The craziness of trying to get my dough made.

I've just changed that. I'm sitting here smelling the bread, that usually means it is about done. But what I did this morning was make my dough, which was an adventure in itself since I didn't have perfect ingredients. The yeast was two years past its "best by" date, the honey was crystallized, I wasn't sure I had enough molasses and I just barely had enough wheat flour. So first I measured my wheat flour, that wasn't a big deal I could have finished the difference with white flour, then I had to heat up the honey to get it liquid again, hope the yeast was active enough to make the bread rise and cross my fingers.

My loaves ready to go in the oven.

The dough was made and rising, not much, not as much as the recipe said to let it go, but I figured I wasn't going to get it to double in size anyway. While it was rising I started prep on the oven. The detritus from sitting for a couple years had to be swept from the brick, the door had to be soaked, which meant I had to find a container large enough that I could reach, the one we normally use was high up behind my kayak which is hanging over my shelves of pottery. I wasn't going to get that by myself. Luckily last year I had emptied a storage tote and that turned out to be big enough. I hooked up the hose and turned on the water and soaked down the area around the oven. I did this again once I had the fire going.

The door and extra slab of wood soaking. The bucket of rocks to keep the door submerged.

Fire lit, you start with the fire close to the door so it can get enough oxygen to burn.
After that it gets pushed farther in to allow as much heat as possible to stay in the oven.

Cleaning out the coals. We use old fireplace tools. When we do a pizza, the brick
gets swabbed with a wet cloth because the pizza goes right on the brick and the
crunch of coals is not pleasant.

And then I had to go back to the dough which got divided into four loaves and set to rise for another hour. During that hour I went out to start the fire. Now if we had plans to bake more than a few loaves of bread I would have started the oven earlier. Or my dad would have while I got the bread ready. We usually let it heat up for 3-4 hours to fully heat the oven and the brick floor. I didn't need it that hot so an hour was enough. The coals and any remaining wood gets shoveled out into our fire pit, we also usually plan to have a campfire when we use the oven. It becomes the evening entertainment.

The bread mid-baking. I removed the slab of wood when I realized it was cedar.
I didn't want the bread to taste like that. Might have to find a good piece of birch for this.

Closed up with our modified door. Have to keep the heat in.

The bread got lined up around the edge of the oven and I placed a piece of wood I had soaking with the door on the brick inside to add more moisture to the oven. That is normally why the door, made of wood, gets soaked, but we had to cover our door in metal after almost setting it on fire one time. The bread bakes for about 30 minutes and when it is almost ready you can smell it. If you start smelling it after only 5 or 10 minutes, your oven is too hot and the bread will either be dough inside or charred outside. Unless you have a heat gun or similar oven thermometer, you have to guess how hot the oven is. We usually hope it is right and just go for it. If it is too cold, it will take a little longer, but you will get edible food. I managed to get it just right and my bread came out after 30 minutes.

Finished loaves. I always tap the loaves, if it has a muffled sound, most likely they are still raw.
I also flip one out of the pan to check the bottom.

I hauled my bread back to the still cool house. I smell like campfire and my knuckles are black from soot, but the bread came out great and it was lovely sitting out by the oven enjoying the nice weather. If we would want to make something else today it wouldn't take very long to get the oven hot again and when we do a full firing the oven stays warm to the touch for days. The walls are about 6-8 inches thick and hold heat really well. We could fire it up a couple days later and have it ready to go in an hour or two.

Of course I have to test a slice (or two) to make sure it is done and tastes good.

We'll have to get more flour and yeast before we can make anything else. I'd like to make something every week this summer if I can manage it. I was going to make some other things today if I had enough yeast. I've been craving a big soft pretzel, bet that would be excellent in the earth oven!