Post Hike

I've been home almost a week now. I had my posts set on a delay for my own safety. Unless I can know exactly who is reading my blog there is no guarantee that everyone has good intentions for me. And so I've been posting a few days behind where I actually was on the trail.

A collage of my first day, the river was the view from my first campsite,
the tent obviously my first site, and the flowers I saw all over the trail that day.

Since being at home I've been angry, frustrated, sad, confused and several more emotions in regards to my hike and the rather abrupt end of it. The whole trip was not what I expected. Nothing in my life really ever is what I expect. I was going to spend the hike trying to figure out what is next for me. I was using it as a break from the frustration I have felt in my life and as a time to maybe spend a little less time worrying about everything. Being away from home meant I only had to worry about more primal matters. Staying safe, dry, healthy, eating, setting up my shelter. There was no income or expenses, I had taken care of that before I left or my mom was going to be mailing out some things. There was no immediate concerns about my profession or personal relationships.

No painting the second day, it was raining and windy. This was from a bench
overlooking a marshy area the third day. An otter ran through while I was painting.

It was peaceful, or as peaceful as I could get when I spent a lot, ok, most of my time swearing at hills that I'm sure they routed the trail over because it was a glacial feature, or swearing at the adverse weather of which I had plenty, or wondering about my poor choices in life of which I have made plenty. There were a couple days I didn't even bother with painting and I left my journal stashed most of the time because I knew what I wrote would have been the same as it was the last dozen times I took it out.

The sunrise at Moh's Mountain the fourth day. I spent some extra time trying
to get warm that morning and hoped my tent would dry out before I packed up.

I'm still using this time as "free-time." I got enough done before I left that I don't need to worry about getting pottery done. I'm still using this time as thinking time and since I am home I am using it to focus on projects that I thought for sure would never get finished because they are extra things that I don't have to do. I'm also using it as time to relax. I certainly won't use the next two months that way, but at least I can take another week or two, until the end of April, to see if anything comes to mind as to where I need to be heading with my life.

Painted this at the home of the chapter coordinator. I had seen three giant
white pines and three interesting feathers that were the inspiration for this one.
I was hoping the feathers would be messages from the spirits while I hiked, but
never stopped to figure out what each one meant at that particular moment.

I actually spent one afternoon (maybe an hour) meditating. I lit some candles, closed my curtains, grabbed a few of my crystals and repeated to myself What do I need? What do I need? like a mantra. It's amazing what comes into your head and what you experience when you have no outside influence, when you are completely relaxed and focused on one thing. I'm not going to tell you what popped into my head, I don't know if it something my head, heart or soul needs or if it something that I want. Maybe what I want is what I need, but either way it is mine, and I don't know if I will act on it, or even how to act on it. Maybe I'll try meditating again and see if the same ideas come to me, but in the meantime I thought I'd share the paintings I did while hiking or that were inspired by things I saw.

There was some interesting mushrooms, no idea what kind, but I immediately
saw purple, blue and gray when I first saw them and that is how they ended up in my painting.