One Year of My Blog

My one year anniversary of my first blog post was on February 5th. I only missed it by a couple days. Looking back at that first blog post I realize I recently began to think I had diverged from my original purpose of my blog, but maybe I really haven't. You see I've written about art, adventures, politics, and I had it in my head, probably because of the banner I've had at the top of my blog for a year, that I was supposed to write about art. Only art. I think I need to change my banner.

In the Porcupine Mountains on my first backpacking adventure.

The first sentence of the last paragraph in my first post is, "I hope to share on this blog me, my dreams and goals, the things I make, the things I want to make, places I go and people I see." I realize I have done that. I have told you about craft and art projects I'm working on (some I told you about and still haven't finished like this one), shows I'm doing, places I'm visiting, people I've seen. I've been sharing with you my journey to become a long distance hiker that will hopefully come to fruition in just about 2 months now. I've written about some of my fears, certainly not all of them, and my attempts to face those fears, to be fearless and have courage.

My first adventure after I had my fear exposed.

This year has been full of ups and downs, life always is. Recently I've been stuck for my inability to focus on and figure out multiple things at once. I find myself incapable of focusing on more than one goal. I have to face down something completely and without any other plans until I complete that goal or else I let it go. I've let go of my dream of owning a farm. It hurts to say that, I have tears ready to fall having said that, but to own a farm (or any property) I need to be successful as a business person. I haven't been. I've been wondering recently if I should also let go of my dream of being a successful artist. I don't know what else to do with myself if I can't make a living as an artist, but it seems I am not able to make my art successful, I don't know how.

Backpacking in Colorado.

Don't get me wrong. This year has been the most rewarding one I've had in a while. I went out and did things even though they "scared the shit out of [me]" as one friend put it. It still comes back to balance though. How can I experience these things, plan them out, and still keep up with my efforts to pay the bills? (As I'm putting in pictures I'm seeing a trend, very little art, and even that one I considered an adventure. Maybe I need to figure out how to make my adventuring my job...)

Experiencing the Renaissance Festival in Shakopee, MN.

Each year I have this time where nothing is really happening for me, last year I counter-acted by going to a broom making class and I loved it. I had hoped to add broom making to my art and eventually to my farm. I haven't made any more brooms.

My brooms

I don't like writing during these down times, because I tend to be focusing on the negative and can't seem to get myself interested in any of my creative endeavors. That's why I've not written in a week. Between a lack of creative juices, the unfortunate happenings in the government, and the negative thoughts those have spawned in me, I've not wanted to do anything, create anything or write anything. I threw myself into writing to the senators and president, and practicing my right to protest, because for the last couple months I've not wanted to be creative and I didn't want to focus on what I thought I was doing wrong to have caused my creative block. I've avoided the studio like the plague.

I started looking at my map again, see if I can figure out anything from that.
I think until I have the databook, I should be focused on gathering food and supplies.

My birthday is coming up, I'm going to be 29. I had hoped that by the time I was 30 I would have had a few more things figured out. Heck, I had hoped by the time I was 25 I would have had things more figured out than I do right now. What I'm really hoping is that somehow on my 2 (or so) month long solo hike I will figure something out. I'll have all sorts of time to think and plan and decide. Just me and the voices in my head. Maybe they'll tell a story that I can't resist and that's where I'll go from here. The thought of completely changing my life plans, even from something that doesn't seem to be working, terrifies me. If that change is what I need to do to be happy and successful, I hope I have the courage to go after it.

A new year.