Fairies in My Garden

I have random pottery everywhere. I have things from every stage of my pottery career from my first pot ever from when I was 12, up to something that came out of my last firing. (Which was a couple months ago.) Every now and then I repurpose something from early in my pottery development.

Today my mom and I visited three of the greenhouses in our immediate area, I picked up plants that could belong in a fairy world. Small leaves and flowers and fun textures. Then I needed just a few more things so I gathered some moss from our backyard and some small flowers from one of our gardens.

The bowl is actually the base of a fountain that I made at my first pottery job. I apprenticed for a few years around the time I got my driver's license. This was a collaborative piece with my mentor and I got to bring it home when it was done. It had a very short life as a fountain.

I also raided my trinkets and dug out some marbles.

The little pots and figurines are also from that time, or perhaps from before the apprenticeship when I was taking lessons in pottery from my mentor. The glass filled leaf was an experiment for ornaments and I kept several for myself. Stones that we have collected from various trips to Lake Superior became a path and the gravel is actually chicken grit.

The littlest frog lives in this pot with his "water" filled leaf pond.

It's my first fairy garden and I'm rather proud of how it turned out! I'm already thinking about adding a few things. I may need a dragon for deep in the shadows or a little hut for my little guy. Maybe another frog or two...

Dragonflies

Do you believe in signs from guardian angels, spirits, your creative genius, or whoever or what ever you believe is watching out for you? Do you know what to look for? Some people have a personal symbol, something they identify with. I always look for feathers when I'm out walking, but beyond that I haven't noticed any real significant signs.

Until a couple weeks ago.

My dragonfly painting.

When I started my painting for Katlyn's Bohemian Designs, one of my favorite images was a dragonfly, I hoped I'd be able to use it for my new business cards. Then a potter I follow on Facebook posted an image of a small platter she had made with a labyrinth, a symbol of walking or finding your path, surrounded by dragonflies. And she described dragonflies as "bringing positive transformation" and being associated with "courage, strength and happiness." That struck a chord with me as that was/is what I am hoping for with my new work.

A dragonfly pocket stone.

Then there was mention of a dragonfly in the book I was reading, and an over sized dragonfly balloon at the grocery store. One of the other pages I follow on Facebook posted a dragonfly inspired basket. I also found a little dragonfly pocket stone I had made a while back and just tossed in a dish and the dragon whistle I had decided to keep in my personal collection has dragonfly wings.

My "dragonfly" whistle.

Last week I went to a friends house to pick up some art and craft supplies she thought I might like and there sitting on top of them was a little box stamped with a dragonfly. I told her the whole story about seeing dragonflies everywhere and how I was hoping they were trying to tell me I was on the right path with my new art. When I got home I opened my "suggested pins" on Pinterest and two of them were dragonflies. Up to that point, I hadn't looked at anything dragonfly related. Now I keep getting dragonflies there too.

The little box that was "right there" on top of the art supplies.

I always considered the butterfly my personal symbol. But maybe it is time for a change there as well. Whoever or whatever is sending me these dragonflies, I hope they are looking out for me. They are telling me it is time to adapt, change, transform. Which is what I have been doing with my art, I hope, maybe I really am going the right way with my work. Time will tell, but I do believe there will be more dragonflies in my artwork.

I painted this little stone after seeing so many dragonflies.

Are You Happy?

I can honestly say that I have not been happy. Sure, I've had moments of joy, excitement, fulfillment, satisfaction, interest, but to be truly happy, to be in "a state of well-being and contentment" (definition, Merriam Webster), I don't think I have. Some people will argue that to have joy or those other emotions is to be happy.

I think "happy" is a deeper, more true emotion. You can be simply happy, or deep-down-in-the-gut happy. It is a glowing contentment (see I'm using the definition to describe happy because there is no other way to do so.) And that's been the problem for me, I haven't been content. Not with my life, my job, my goals or ambitions, my accomplishments (which there haven't been many in my way of thinking. Or is it society's view?)

In fact my subconscious, my soul, my inner voice have been trying to convey that point to me even in sleep. All the dreams I have remembered, written down and then interpreted the meaning of, have included signs and symbols of a discontent life. Hiding emotions, being stuck, running away, fear, embarrassment, avoiding issues, etc. And I haven't woken from any of those dreams feeling good about it.

Until last night. Last night's dream included symbols for peace of mind; renewal and new beginnings; rest, relaxation, clearing of the mind; foundation, stability, and sense of understanding; mobility, independence, and freedom; taking a step in the right direction; wanting to reconnect (old hobby, talent, or interest); being too hard on yourself; freely expressing femininity; love, joy, sweetness, happiness, affection and kindness; getting back to your roots. Plus in the dream I was content, I felt peaceful. I woke up feeling calm.

Something I am currently doing or thinking about has led me and my inner me to feel good. I am focusing on bringing more mystical things into my life. (As many times as I have linked back to this post, I probably could have figured this out sooner had I been paying attention.) Maybe I need the energy from meditation, lighting candles, and crystals. Maybe that is who I am really and I have been trying too hard to fit into society's idea of a person, or business person. I've been trying to fit the mold, as much as an artist can since artists tend to be on the outskirts of the "norm" anyway, but maybe focusing on some new paintings, a new style, new imagery and new ideas (all from a part of my interests in childhood), has finally allowed me to find "happy." I know I am enjoying what I've been working on and the business plans I have been forming in my head are certainly entertaining. Watch for new comings in my art, maybe I've figured out what it takes for me to be ME.

 And then when I went outside this morning, one of the first things I found was a feather. It was grey, black and white side up, but I haven't found a meaning for three colors so... Black and white feathers represent protection or the sense of union. Grey and white feathers symbolize hope. Grey is peace and neutrality, peace within, wisdom, a nudge that you are on the right track, authenticity, and flexibility. I was starting to compose this post in my head when I found it.

Post Hike

I've been home almost a week now. I had my posts set on a delay for my own safety. Unless I can know exactly who is reading my blog there is no guarantee that everyone has good intentions for me. And so I've been posting a few days behind where I actually was on the trail.

A collage of my first day, the river was the view from my first campsite,
the tent obviously my first site, and the flowers I saw all over the trail that day.

Since being at home I've been angry, frustrated, sad, confused and several more emotions in regards to my hike and the rather abrupt end of it. The whole trip was not what I expected. Nothing in my life really ever is what I expect. I was going to spend the hike trying to figure out what is next for me. I was using it as a break from the frustration I have felt in my life and as a time to maybe spend a little less time worrying about everything. Being away from home meant I only had to worry about more primal matters. Staying safe, dry, healthy, eating, setting up my shelter. There was no income or expenses, I had taken care of that before I left or my mom was going to be mailing out some things. There was no immediate concerns about my profession or personal relationships.

No painting the second day, it was raining and windy. This was from a bench
overlooking a marshy area the third day. An otter ran through while I was painting.

It was peaceful, or as peaceful as I could get when I spent a lot, ok, most of my time swearing at hills that I'm sure they routed the trail over because it was a glacial feature, or swearing at the adverse weather of which I had plenty, or wondering about my poor choices in life of which I have made plenty. There were a couple days I didn't even bother with painting and I left my journal stashed most of the time because I knew what I wrote would have been the same as it was the last dozen times I took it out.

The sunrise at Moh's Mountain the fourth day. I spent some extra time trying
to get warm that morning and hoped my tent would dry out before I packed up.

I'm still using this time as "free-time." I got enough done before I left that I don't need to worry about getting pottery done. I'm still using this time as thinking time and since I am home I am using it to focus on projects that I thought for sure would never get finished because they are extra things that I don't have to do. I'm also using it as time to relax. I certainly won't use the next two months that way, but at least I can take another week or two, until the end of April, to see if anything comes to mind as to where I need to be heading with my life.

Painted this at the home of the chapter coordinator. I had seen three giant
white pines and three interesting feathers that were the inspiration for this one.
I was hoping the feathers would be messages from the spirits while I hiked, but
never stopped to figure out what each one meant at that particular moment.

I actually spent one afternoon (maybe an hour) meditating. I lit some candles, closed my curtains, grabbed a few of my crystals and repeated to myself What do I need? What do I need? like a mantra. It's amazing what comes into your head and what you experience when you have no outside influence, when you are completely relaxed and focused on one thing. I'm not going to tell you what popped into my head, I don't know if it something my head, heart or soul needs or if it something that I want. Maybe what I want is what I need, but either way it is mine, and I don't know if I will act on it, or even how to act on it. Maybe I'll try meditating again and see if the same ideas come to me, but in the meantime I thought I'd share the paintings I did while hiking or that were inspired by things I saw.

There was some interesting mushrooms, no idea what kind, but I immediately
saw purple, blue and gray when I first saw them and that is how they ended up in my painting.

Assorted Happenings

My mom and I took a hike on Wednesday so I could wear my pack with everything but my food and bathroom items ready. I had taken off the lid pockets, because it is removable and would take away a little weight, but I have to put it back on after taking this hike. Without it, too much weight gets shifted to the outside of my pack so that my food bag would fit and it hurt to carry the weight like that. So the lid will go back on. (I also lost a marble and if you are interested in what that means go to The World's Biggest Marble Hunt on Facebook and join the group and have some fun.)

I have found several blue, black, and white feathers during my walks and hikes.

While we were talking about some of the details of my hike I looked down and saw what I think is a blue jay feather. It is blue, black, and white, and according to the meaning of feather color page I use that means a change is on the horizon. (Read about my mystical mind.) Well it certainly is. In just a couple more weeks (really I could be counting in days now) I will leave for my attempt at a thru-hike of the Ice Age Trail. I'd say that's a pretty big change.

One of the bowls I donated.

In other news I attended an Empty Bowls event at my elementary school, the same event I went to last year. The kids made bowls that they got to keep and several local potters donated bowls to be raffled off. All the money raised and canned food is to be donated to the local food pantry. I won a bowl again this year in the raffle. My donated bowls went missing some time between when I dropped them off on Monday and the event last night. All the teachers were trying to figure out where they went and hopefully they'll find them and be able to raffle them off among the staff and teachers when they do. Raise a little more money for the food pantry.

The second bowl I donated.

And a handled soup bowl.

Yesterday I sorted through my pottery that I boxed up at the end of the season last year to make sure I have enough for my show tomorrow. I loaded my car today. The first show of the year is always the hardest. I'm not sure where everything got stored for the winter, I can't remember exactly what pottery I have or want to take, and this show is actually a craft show so I am also taking my crocheted Kritters, my new sweater monsters, and the beaded sun catchers I made this winter. This also poses new problems as I have to work out how to fit these items into my regular display and much of that tends to happen when I am setting up at the show venue.

One of my new sweater monsters. He is a specific variety
I keep calling "Pocket Monster."

I don't know how many more times I will get to writing before I leave. I will have at least one post next week and then we'll see!

My Mystical Side

I find myself being mystical sometimes. Well, really more than sometimes. I don't know if this is a common thing with artists in general or if certain people are generally drawn to the otherwordly and fantastical.

How is it possible that there aren't any fairies living in here?

I look for fairies among the flowers and in cracks and crevices in the rocks and trees. I listen for the trees to talk and messages in the wind.

I keep crystals and gemstones in hopes of good fortune, health, balance and wisdom. When I am feeling stuck, I sometimes pick up amethyst (my birthstone and favorite) or quartz crystals and look for inspiration. I wonder too if there isn't some way to see into the future with a crystal ball and I think I may have to get myself one just to try.

I hope that I may discover that dragons, unicorns, and phoenix were really real.

A dragon rattle in a nest of stones, crystals and some prayer beads I made.

I put some stock in palmistry and tarot readings. I've never had my palm read, though I have tried interpreting it myself. I had a tarot reading done last year and was amazed at the things she saw in the cards.

I look up the meanings behind the imagery and symbols in my dreams, when I remember them, and try to see how it translates to my waking life.

I think there is truth in karma and I hope I'm not messing up my chances of a good life simply by being myself.

I make a wish at 11:11, though I'm not sure where this one came from or why you are supposed to make a wish.

A tree made of gemstones, my sage bundle I made, and a mandala-esque stone I painted.

I have written hopes and wishes on paper and then thrown them into a fire with the thought that burning the physical form of a wish would more readily carry it into the void and maybe it would be heard more clearly than the mumblings in my head.

Just one of many candles I have burned throughout the years.

I light candles for peace, cleansing and hopes. I burn sage bundles and incense for the same purpose.

I wish on shooting stars and look for angels and spirits in the clouds and Northern Lights.

When I find a feather in nature, on a hike usually, I look up what the colors mean because feathers are messages from the spirits.

Black, white and blue denote change on the horizon.

I find myself talking to myself, but am I really talking to only myself? Is there really that thing called a 'Creative Genius' standing in a corner waiting for me to address it? Or maybe I have a spirit or animal guide.

I hope my sculptures one day might find they have heart and spirit all of their own and come alive. I hope for magic in my life. Real magic. Like the kind you find in Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings. I hope I haven't really been passed over to be accepted to Hogwarts. I can't seem to help myself.

To look at me, you wouldn't think I was this mystical. I appear, at least in my mind, I appear to be an average person worrying about everyday things. And I do worry about those every day things. Although I also worry about upsetting the fairies; and what I might see if I look into a crystal ball; and who or what is out there listening to my greatest hopes and dreams and if someday, if I believe enough, they may answer me.